Tomorrow Never Dies

Since I have been a proponent in the ancient art of delaying things, I thought I might very well design a course for it after having seen and slept through various courses in college. This is a rough draft of how a course plan on this art form would look like:

For all those who worship laziness this is my tribute

Procrastination 101

Course Code : Dilly Dally 101- D101D 
[ in the land of palindrome-speak, loosely translated - language called malayalam, the author wishes to acknowledge his obsession with palindromes with an innovative course code]

Prerequisites : Laziness (the  inherent sixth sense in most people, at least in my college)

Guidelines:

Later is a period of infinite span in the Procrastination dictionary it may range anywhere between few hours later to, um...well until death.

Soon in the Procrastination dictionary refers to a period somewhere in the near future just before the deadline.

Usage:

• Details regarding the course plan shall be put up soon
• Students attending this course should fill out the registration form and register sometime later.

Course Outline

Module 1:  Procrastination through history, Procrastination through ages, the essential procrastination vocabulary- Later, Eventually, I'm busy right now, Let's see , There is nothing wrong with the way it is now..,New additions -aal izz well, the act of forgetting due dates, submissions

Module 2: Procrastination in modern age : Internet- a procrastinator's paradise, the tools for procrastination-  Social Networking- facebook - the art of spamming other's walls, orkut, the most gripping form of procrastination yet-twittcrastination - procrastination enabled by twitter, Other addictive tools - PSP, blogging, free messaging services (subject to service availability, applies to college students only), Playstation, DOTA

Update: The newest avatar of Procrastination yet: Google Buzz, Ladies and Gentlemen, take a bow


Module 3: Common phrases used in the eleventh hour, Damn it! - the essential addition to the procrastination vocabulary, list of things/tools/objects that you could throw around yelling damn it! , Probability of the fact that the object thrown = object needed, frustration, the act of yelling at everything to melt down your frustration

Module 4: Fake words used to prevent procrastination - just do it (courtesy of nike, probably), Widespread applications - the ease of break ups due to procrastination, improving skills at plagiarising assignments, homeworks, stress time skills - the art of creating presentations on the night before the deadline

List of Textbooks and References to be published soon.

Famous Quotations:

I took Procrastination 101 in college and the teacher would walk in everyday and say, "Yeah! We'll do something tomorrow"

-Russell Peters in Show me the funny

[No copyright infringement intended here]



P.S : I had a plan to post the above blogpost a lot earlier, sorry for the inevitable delay due to twittcrastination

P.P.S: I know this tests your patience, but stating the mandatory disclaimer- No offence is intended to any individual(s) or organisation  by the means of this post

P.P.S : Recently I've been diagnosed with HCD (the Human Commento -Deficiency) Virus, (a variant of desperate attention seeker virus, in non medical terms) To cure me of this illness please leave a comment, I shall be eternally grateful.

The National Pride

(Image courtesy of www.saveourtigers.com   )
I came across this piece on the Internet and this news shocked me.It brought back memories of a certain Crocodile Park in Chennai, which housed a box containing the most feared creature in the world, if you do open the box you would be shocked to find your face there, a reflection, of things that have threatened almost any species of creatures in the wild.  We have only 1411 tigers left, a beast which is our national animal and so majestic to look at and we have ourselves to blame. Poaching and habitat destruction has taken its toll and if we don't do anything now, we are in danger of losing the majestic tiger forever.

Primary cause of loss of tiger's population is habitat destruction. However the most saddening cause of tiger's dwindling population is  due to poaching, the so called medicinal demand for tigers parts for traditional Chinese medicine and the well networked black market of poachers. The so called traditional  medicine isn't still approved by research.

Use of tiger skin is the worst kind of abuse you can do to this majestic animal. What kind of fashion statement does wearing a dead animal skin make? The so called animal skin coats are just a "glamour" addition rather than a utility. A glamour with an ugly truth attached to it. It is this poaching that we must stop immediately and this can only happen if the demand reduces. 

Presently there are plans to set up more tiger reserves, and this latest census is the last wake up call, a last glimmer of hope to save this animal which is an Indian pride. There is an urgent need to stop the blame game and take a real course of action. Most people would defer using animal products if the right awareness is created. The image of stripey the club is still one of the most shocking images that can make you hit reality about the numbers. We don't want the national animal to end up in the same state as Dodo. There is still a glimmer of hope left. So do your bit, popularise in any way you can that our national animal is on the verge of bidding its final adieu to the world an only we can do something to stop it. Fight for the cause, become the change.

P.S Please join the campaign www.saveourtigers.com

Tweet! Tweet ! I thought I taw a putty tat

Statutory warning: People who are annoyed by the letter Tw stay off the post.
Disclaimer: Contents of this post may be deemed as offensive and improper by many of the virtual community, stop reading here after you have read this post, others continue reading.

The process of miniaturising has always fascinated mankind and and blogging found its new avatar in form of microblogs and thus begins the tale of twitter. Twitter is a site that prompts you to tell what you're doing now (if you can do that in 140 characters or less ). 'Bigger is Better' is a thing of the past 'Small is beautiful' is the catchphrase now. Guiding you through this post will be sylvester whose intimate association with tweets makes him one of the pioneers of this subject.The following is the post as describedby sylvester while solving the tweety mystery.

The Origin: If we reverse the word twitter we get retwit which on applying Robert Langdon algorithm splits it into re -tweet which is one of the commonest activities in twitter, if you can't find something to tweet you can always retweet what others tweet. Other facts include the second most used word in twitter is "I", which probably means people are mostly interested in offering subjective opinions on matters of world concern.Some skeptics though are of the opinion that twitter is the best site around, to promote narcissism

Just like nissin's cup noodles revolutionised the concept of fast food, blogging never found a faster way than this. If you still haven't created an account in any of the microblogging sites, create one immediately as the world is waiting to know your status. Update your status as regularly as possible, so the next time when total strangers your friends logon to their accounts they will see only your updates, imagine the popularity boost you get by doing this. As is found in the website you can update your status with anything, so you can always update with say “had breakfast in the morning” , “woke up late” . 2 tweets already for starts.

Follow every random profile you click at. Always sign of tweeting leaving twitter. Now this will add an additional tweet to the already interesting things you have tweeted so far. As the International journal on twitosphere reveals 10% of the people are responsible for about 90% of volume of tweets on twitter. Joining that glamourous group would be a privilege.

Learn the twitter jargon or twargon as the twitterati suggests (twiterrati .n : a list of twitterers, whatever that means , from the twictionary, the twitter dicitonary.
Make tw key your friend. Use it like water, preciously.

Twargon
While in twitter do as the tweeple do, is the principle behind tweeting in twitter. The essential twitter jargon (twivernacular was banned due to the amount of characters it consumed) consists of adding twi prefix before anything.The origin of this probably attributes to the fact that tweety being a bird couldn't pronounce everything clearly as she was affected by the T virus. A modified Twi virus started affecting human beings and thus was born the land of twitosphere. A twutopia of infinite possibilities. Here we explore the common ones, though fully understanding how, where and why to use them is a question of great difficulty to answer. The following is an excerpt from the International dictionary of twitosphere.
tweeple:People in twitter
tweet-dropping: eavesdropping on someone else’s home page in friends mode. This is how people get famous on twitter, since most people do not block their profile it is relatively easy to tweet-drop on others conversation.
tweetsult: Insult in twitter, as experts say this greatly diminishes the magnitude of insult as it is cut down to a limit of 140 characters or fewer.
tweetup: when twitterers meet in person – a Twitter meet up. This is one twitter jargon (twargon) that messes up the whole concept of english language, since nearly everybody you know might be a tweeter, every time you meet a person you're tweeting up, whatever that means.
twittcrastination: avoiding action while twittering, procrastination enabled by Twitter use.The act of procrastinating never found a better reason than this.
twitteritas: women who play with their twitters. Twitter is an excellent place for a twidates where every conversation is only 140 characters long, this also greatly helps in tweak-ups which are break ups in twitter.(word still pending approval in the twitterati, thought tweeting it might solve the problem)
twitterness: a person’s contribution to the twitosphere.
twilliteration: (To be official soon, tweet this to attain popularity of this term)Alliteration in twitter. eg.
How many tweets could the tweety bird tweet if a tweety bird could tweet tweets?(Not exactly a tongue twister but the answer is 17, I happen to be an expert on this)
tweeted by John tweets using birdfeeder


         

FAQs
Doesn't prefixing characters to an already constrained character limit sound nonsense?
Learning twargon is essential for survival in twitter, about the word limit, one can always cut down the letters in most english words, we don't have to post according to the grammatic rules of english language, should we?

Ted: Another popular technique is the use of ellipses which is a commonplace in social networking, this gives a sense of an incomplete feel...

Robin: But..................um........





References
[1] 'Proceedings on the international tweetup on twitter', tweeted by twitterati
[2] How to prefix tw before anything, the twictionary
[3] 'How I met your mother?' by Ted

P.S :This post stops here, please don't twispam me...

P.P.S:This style of posting is getting too cliche'd, will stop soon. Also due to the vast amount of new words in the twictionary the spellcheck had to be disabled.
E & OE

P.P.P.S:If you really like this post and a user of twitter, tweet this post, otherwise create an account and then tweet this post.

P.P.P.P.S:This is one P.S too much, I know, the actual post ends here.

The Taming of the Shrew

Recrudescence : noun; Return of a blogger after a period of abatement, from the International Dictionary of Blogosphere*.

I'm not much of a Blogger really and much of my previous posts (which are not many, in fact ) have been reviews or something vague. I've never really tried my hand at personal blogging and I'm not much of a narrator, so mind you, the following venture could get very boring indeed. Since my old posts have been months and months old and the fact that I actually had to type the only URL that is mine (probably the last visit was so far back in time that the browser failed to recognize it, anyway not the point here...) prompted me to write this post.

 (If you hate computers then skip some lines) The PC at my home is the quintessential desktop of the 2000's, using a 15 " CRT for display, a standard ASCII keyboard, a mouse (which thinks it is smart by suddenly swaying to the corner of the screen when you need it the most),a 750 W sub woofer system (which is over 8 years old now, and the left and right speakers have been at war lately and they have decided not to sing together at a given random instance. Whenever this happens I try to look clever by simply jerking the wires connecting the sound-box to the woofer, a simple twitch is all that is needed to keep them happy, I suppose. ) My box is over 6 years old now and about 2 years ago a major influenza attack threatened to take everything away. I dreaded formatting the hard disk the most, so when an Ubuntu 8.04 (hardy) live disc booted without any hassles, the era of Linux computing began at my box.

The New Dawn

Ubuntu Hardy proved to be a very stable companion to my box, for a fractional GB RAM my newly loaded box seemed to perform very well, though detoxification was still an issue then, I could do basic things like accessing Internet without any occurrences of crashes and delays at all, normally in my older configuration, I had to play games like ctrl+alt+del or push power button in order to work on it. Later after some RAM up-gradation, the box seemed better than ever, delivering the best possible performance for something that can be considered as an antique in this rapidly advancing digital age. For over an year or so there were just countable instances wherein I had to reboot in order to restore order from chaos. This was to me, heaven compared to the ordeal I had to undergo, about an year ago, in order to perform even the most menial of tasks like editing a document or accessing the Internet.

Plague

Good times were not to last forever or so the saying went, while migrating to Linux I did encounter some software related issues, but a large on line community and loads of documentation almost provided solution to the most common problems encountered, however nearly after a year of hassle free operation my box failed to boot, it was a festive occasion of Onam then, which ruled out the possibility of calling up the repair-man, the power button did glow but everything else went blank. Equipped with a new toolbox purchased sometime back, after some desperate phone calls I found out that problem was with the RAM, after some frantic searching at home, I fished out the 256 MB RAM which I previously regarded as something redundant, blunt and obsolete. Even things we regard as useless have their places in life I guess. So for the first time I opened the CPU cover on my own and and found out to my relief that the warranty still lasted for 2 more months, so after finding out the culprit, my box was back alive and kicking, though now with a reduced computing power (it was only temporary thanks to the warranty sticker).

The Final Frontier

The new version of Ubuntu, viz. Karmic was shipped with a host of new features, however because I had opted for a shorter install procedure, most of the configurations of the file-system never seemed right, importantly the recovery mode (equivalent to safe mode) appeared to have only a command line utility.

Sometime later the box started behaving really odd. I had to use the reset button so much; that at one instance I had to actually pry the button out from the cabinet, the problem was slipping well beyond my reigns and I could do nothing about it. A few hours later nothing seemed to work. Now power button gave no more responses even the beep sound I realised then that the problem was with the power supply all along, I opened the cabinet and tried the same sequence I had done months ago when the RAM failed, though I was sure I wouldn't get a response, which was proved correct. The problem was out of my grasp. I had to call up the technician to fix it up.

A few days later the technician arrived and did his routine procedure opening the cabinet and re-fixing the cables. Finally he replaced the SMPS with the spare one he had brought and I finally the monitor came to life with the intel graphics blushing with its certificate of purity. I was about to take my wallet when I found out that he in fact did not mean to complete the repairs as of now,as the SMPS was meant for a more deserving customer, this was just a mock session a mere identification of the problem, not its rectification. Now this was fate I thought, after informing clearly that the problem was with the SMPS the company sent a technician without the one thing I asked for. Obviously they listen very well, so much for customer service I thought.
Epilogue


On a fine day morning the technician finally reappeared to finish the job he had started initially. After calling up the company 2 or 3 more times the problem had been solved. Finally a new SMPS was fixed, with a sticker ascertaining a warranty of one year and my box roared back to life. Hopefully everything happened for the best.

P.S: This post may contain some information that may get too technical at times, maybe I'm experiencing the so called 'not so writer's block'. Hopefully everything will be better the next time.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (MYL)

Guidelines to the perfect social networking

Social networking seems to be the coolest thing around these days. It allows one to stay in touch with friends and meet exciting new people from every walk of life. While there is no recorded documentation of MYL Theory, it is seen everywhere on your wall, your page, even on your mobile. Though this post can never describe something like the wind completely we may be able to just take a sneak peek into what is one of the universal laws governing the other half of the world.

Social Networking sites are developing fast these days. Sites like maspace ,fb are used by millions. Besides having a wonderful wall and many sharing options there are some killer applications. It is suspected that many of these involve really complex algorithms to actually serve its great purpose. For instance applications like fiend of the day is the best, it chooses from your list the best person who can possibly guide you through the day. This is nothing compared applications like your crush or your future wedding bliss, many dating services have supposedly given up their jobs considering that one can find their perfect partner through this utility. The actual codes of this applications are really long some even employing the best cryptographic techniques there is, it is even speculated by fans that the codes were written by a 5th generation bot, so that accuracy is right on. Some skeptics though still maintain that all that these applications do are, reply like a five year old if you ask a really inquisitory question.

Article 81A :Of Posts and Posting (a.k.a The Neo-lingual paradigm)
It is of primary importance that you get accepted in your social network. A typical posting on the wall by really cool dudes takes the following form

“2day i lyk had br3lfast at ma hOME in the morn3n.OMG THAT”S LYK SO K000000L”- posted at 2:30pm by McooL
Daemon commented on this at 2:32 pm

“Ur ROCKIINN MANN…lol LOL” – posted at 2:35pm by lifescoolDUDE
Rig likes this.

Matt Pery took the personality test and found his perfect love.Take this quiz and find yours

“WHAT are u doing anywayz?What are u lyk R3tR3d??” posted at 3:42am by whoisthis


If the above posts don’t make any sense to you, then your English is probably the source of trouble, try completing about a trillion personality tests and read about 1000 posts on your wall and comeback again later. The history of the language written above is still in doubted. It can only be understood by really cool people having an IQ of the order of 190 or so, which is generally the case of most users. If you think that this was just a random combination of using caps lock and num keys coupled up with a broken language, then you’re heavily mistaken. Even advanced etymologists can only speculate how this language came about. Initially spellcheck was a feature that characterized posts, however due to heavy pressure from a great number of users this was later disabled. So when during registration if you are asked a question like what is your language? it is a trick question and only the selected few can answer it.

Article 96B: Vocabulary Redefined

If you’re thinking that you cannot get your ideas across fully even though you attended the basic English courses then probably your vocabulary is impeding your progress. Learning the social networking jargon may not be an easy thing though it appears like poorly constructed language wherein singulars and plurals are switched(eg. newayz /anyway), caps being used at wrong places and punctuations used everywhere. Let me tell you this the developers of this language gave a lot of thought into it while developing. It was originally created when a monkey sat on a typewriter. Though if you want to flaunt in front of your peers you might give typing on broken keyboard with your eyes closed a shot, although it may not work everytime.

Article :(.-.. --- .-..:)

If you’re a total newbie at social networking and don’t know how to get recognized then you have come to the right place here. If you have nothing to post then you can always comment on others with .-.. --- .-.. (translated LOL in Morse Code).If nothing is going your way and you are desperately searching for a break then you have lol to the rescue.Even if the post makes no sense to you and you’re unsure of what it means you can always complement it with lol, chances are that the guy at the receiving end is a newbie too and thus all is well though this makes no sense to anybody. Also there are always the smiley symbols, if you still have to learn smiley code then you can always try some random combinations of braces and full stops.It is speculated that lol was created when a user misinterpreted the slang lol(lots of love) and as of the present only the few echelon members at top social networking sites know the actual meaning of this abbreviation(or a shorthand?) while the true meaning is still in doubt newbies in this world of social networking can always try to sound cool by just about using lol anywhere.

Well these are just some glints into the great MYL Theory, while the entire documentation is still awaiting completion. Btw Good Luck with creating a great profile at the great social networking sites.

P.S: My keyboard was working perfectly fine, and neither the caps key nor the numeric keys had any problems and no I did not attempt to post this blog from my mobile phone

UPDATE: For the comic fans out there here is a link to the XKCD comic strip that aptly describes the situation

Blogcode 2.0

[parts 1 & 2 )

Whether we know it or not every Blogger adheres to a set of rules though none of these are stated explicitly.Blogcode 2.0 is aimed at documenting the various rules that govern the blogosphere of its blogs. It is a piece of code that was written by the very developers of blogs & blogosphere. While the etymology of the word blog dates back to the 1990s to something called weblogs, the real meaning of the word blog is still speculated.(If you’re using older versions of word or any other WYSIWYG processors pre-2007 era for that matter, you might find that the spellcheck fails to recognize this incongruous word.(As a matter of fact, spellcheck fails to recognize itself, so this may not be a bug!))
(WYSIWYG: What You See Is What You Get)
(Btw the word Blogosphere came out of the blue, it has no known meaning)

PART 1
The Quintessential cliché
Every Blogger begins his blog stating its purpose and greeting the blogosphere. It is something much similar to the ‘Hello World’ in programming. Something that has to be done, a swearing in ceremony, it is even speculated that the word blog came into existence when a very famous blogger attempted the ‘Hello World’. Most bloggers then try to explain the reason for their entry into blogosphere as boredom or choosing blogging as they have nothing better to do. Generally the first posts are the quintessential cliché’s of every blog. Much like those chick flicks that are made these days, the first blog often contains long soliloquies of a blogger often explaining the reasons for their entry in this world, where adventure is an everyday phenomenon. If you’re a newbie to the blogosphere and you desperately want to blog (obviously for unexplained reasons) you can always begin by telling boredom is the primary reason for entry into this part of the world. Even better, you might even get praised by other blogo-sapiens for your entry even though your first blog essentially contains nothing but boredom explained, it is something, generally so clichéd that you might actually get away by pasting someone else’s first blog which itself may be a metaphor for boredom explained.

PART x
Of Postscripts and Post-scripting:
If you feel that your reader’s patience wasn’t tested enough with your excellent post already, you always have post-scripts to the rescue. You can always post script your blog with something that ensures that your reader may never visit your blog again. And to further ensure that this happens you can always post-post script your blog to ensure that this process is speeded up. Please don’t go beyond an order of 3 lest only Nobel peace laureates may read your blog. Though most users claim they don’t know the actual use of this literary technique, bloggers continue to use P.S as an effective way to scare non bloggers off the blogerado.

P.S: Blogcode 2.0 is still in its development (beta) phase and further postings are required to complete this marvelous piece of code.

P.P.S: More postings to come, though this heavily depends on your support.

P.P.P.S: The above statement was false.


Comments:
“Give man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to blog, you get rid of him forever”-An Anonymous Blogger

“Excellent! This is something that I have always been looking for”-The new kid on the blog