A new moon eclipses breaking dawn

Fans of the Series Twilight keep off this post and no offense is intended. Most of this post is just meant as a way to kill boredom.

What you can infer from reading Twilight series.

1. Vampires are described in a complete way by various combinations of "beauty", "perfect", "graceful", "dazzling" etc. In fact if we were to cut out these adjectives, the vampires in Twilight series wouldn't exist.

2. Contrary to what SM mentioned in the first book or so, talented vampires are very very common as is proved in Breaking Dawn. In fact you could be the most powerful vampire if your most powerful skill is being depressed.

!!! Spoiler Alert !!!

3. If you're entangled in a love triangle of some sort and you don't get the girl; don't worry, just hang around till your (ex)lover has a kid, there is a very real possibility that you might fall into love with the baby. Ms. Meyer found a once and for all solution for ending a love triangle that spanned over two entire fully blown Twilight novels with this idea.

4. 700 pages of Breaking Dawn goes in the buildup of a Vampire War that never takes place. 

5. SM does put a lot of research in to her works. Biologists might feel offended by the fact that Werewolves have 24 chromosomes (while Google search reveals otherwise; apes might as well be their distant cousins for all we know) and the fact that an average of chromosome pairs are produced in the progeny (Seriously isn't gene theory that simple?).

6. Contrary to popular claims; Twi-light does NOT mean light in Twitter, in fact if anything it refers to the darkness plaguing the Internet forums of late.

7.Bella is an ordinary girl, your average girl next door, and she does not deserve some perfect vampire, over 1000 pages or three and a half novels of the Twilight series revolve around this one core idea.

Comments on the Twilight Series

Movie Spin-offs based on the Twilight

P.S Sincerely hope Buffy saves us from this menace

P.P.S No offense is intended to anyone by means of this post.It is just meant as a fun way of looking at things

Tomorrow Never Dies

Since I have been a proponent in the ancient art of delaying things, I thought I might very well design a course for it after having seen and slept through various courses in college. This is a rough draft of how a course plan on this art form would look like:

For all those who worship laziness this is my tribute

Procrastination 101

Course Code : Dilly Dally 101- D101D 
[ in the land of palindrome-speak, loosely translated - language called malayalam, the author wishes to acknowledge his obsession with palindromes with an innovative course code]

Prerequisites : Laziness (the  inherent sixth sense in most people, at least in my college)

Guidelines:

Later is a period of infinite span in the Procrastination dictionary it may range anywhere between few hours later to, um...well until death.

Soon in the Procrastination dictionary refers to a period somewhere in the near future just before the deadline.

Usage:

• Details regarding the course plan shall be put up soon
• Students attending this course should fill out the registration form and register sometime later.

Course Outline

Module 1:  Procrastination through history, Procrastination through ages, the essential procrastination vocabulary- Later, Eventually, I'm busy right now, Let's see , There is nothing wrong with the way it is now..,New additions -aal izz well, the act of forgetting due dates, submissions

Module 2: Procrastination in modern age : Internet- a procrastinator's paradise, the tools for procrastination-  Social Networking- facebook - the art of spamming other's walls, orkut, the most gripping form of procrastination yet-twittcrastination - procrastination enabled by twitter, Other addictive tools - PSP, blogging, free messaging services (subject to service availability, applies to college students only), Playstation, DOTA

Update: The newest avatar of Procrastination yet: Google Buzz, Ladies and Gentlemen, take a bow


Module 3: Common phrases used in the eleventh hour, Damn it! - the essential addition to the procrastination vocabulary, list of things/tools/objects that you could throw around yelling damn it! , Probability of the fact that the object thrown = object needed, frustration, the act of yelling at everything to melt down your frustration

Module 4: Fake words used to prevent procrastination - just do it (courtesy of nike, probably), Widespread applications - the ease of break ups due to procrastination, improving skills at plagiarising assignments, homeworks, stress time skills - the art of creating presentations on the night before the deadline

List of Textbooks and References to be published soon.

Famous Quotations:

I took Procrastination 101 in college and the teacher would walk in everyday and say, "Yeah! We'll do something tomorrow"

-Russell Peters in Show me the funny

[No copyright infringement intended here]



P.S : I had a plan to post the above blogpost a lot earlier, sorry for the inevitable delay due to twittcrastination

P.P.S: I know this tests your patience, but stating the mandatory disclaimer- No offence is intended to any individual(s) or organisation  by the means of this post

P.P.S : Recently I've been diagnosed with HCD (the Human Commento -Deficiency) Virus, (a variant of desperate attention seeker virus, in non medical terms) To cure me of this illness please leave a comment, I shall be eternally grateful.

Tweet! Tweet ! I thought I taw a putty tat

Statutory warning: People who are annoyed by the letter Tw stay off the post.
Disclaimer: Contents of this post may be deemed as offensive and improper by many of the virtual community, stop reading here after you have read this post, others continue reading.

The process of miniaturising has always fascinated mankind and and blogging found its new avatar in form of microblogs and thus begins the tale of twitter. Twitter is a site that prompts you to tell what you're doing now (if you can do that in 140 characters or less ). 'Bigger is Better' is a thing of the past 'Small is beautiful' is the catchphrase now. Guiding you through this post will be sylvester whose intimate association with tweets makes him one of the pioneers of this subject.The following is the post as describedby sylvester while solving the tweety mystery.

The Origin: If we reverse the word twitter we get retwit which on applying Robert Langdon algorithm splits it into re -tweet which is one of the commonest activities in twitter, if you can't find something to tweet you can always retweet what others tweet. Other facts include the second most used word in twitter is "I", which probably means people are mostly interested in offering subjective opinions on matters of world concern.Some skeptics though are of the opinion that twitter is the best site around, to promote narcissism

Just like nissin's cup noodles revolutionised the concept of fast food, blogging never found a faster way than this. If you still haven't created an account in any of the microblogging sites, create one immediately as the world is waiting to know your status. Update your status as regularly as possible, so the next time when total strangers your friends logon to their accounts they will see only your updates, imagine the popularity boost you get by doing this. As is found in the website you can update your status with anything, so you can always update with say “had breakfast in the morning” , “woke up late” . 2 tweets already for starts.

Follow every random profile you click at. Always sign of tweeting leaving twitter. Now this will add an additional tweet to the already interesting things you have tweeted so far. As the International journal on twitosphere reveals 10% of the people are responsible for about 90% of volume of tweets on twitter. Joining that glamourous group would be a privilege.

Learn the twitter jargon or twargon as the twitterati suggests (twiterrati .n : a list of twitterers, whatever that means , from the twictionary, the twitter dicitonary.
Make tw key your friend. Use it like water, preciously.

Twargon
While in twitter do as the tweeple do, is the principle behind tweeting in twitter. The essential twitter jargon (twivernacular was banned due to the amount of characters it consumed) consists of adding twi prefix before anything.The origin of this probably attributes to the fact that tweety being a bird couldn't pronounce everything clearly as she was affected by the T virus. A modified Twi virus started affecting human beings and thus was born the land of twitosphere. A twutopia of infinite possibilities. Here we explore the common ones, though fully understanding how, where and why to use them is a question of great difficulty to answer. The following is an excerpt from the International dictionary of twitosphere.
tweeple:People in twitter
tweet-dropping: eavesdropping on someone else’s home page in friends mode. This is how people get famous on twitter, since most people do not block their profile it is relatively easy to tweet-drop on others conversation.
tweetsult: Insult in twitter, as experts say this greatly diminishes the magnitude of insult as it is cut down to a limit of 140 characters or fewer.
tweetup: when twitterers meet in person – a Twitter meet up. This is one twitter jargon (twargon) that messes up the whole concept of english language, since nearly everybody you know might be a tweeter, every time you meet a person you're tweeting up, whatever that means.
twittcrastination: avoiding action while twittering, procrastination enabled by Twitter use.The act of procrastinating never found a better reason than this.
twitteritas: women who play with their twitters. Twitter is an excellent place for a twidates where every conversation is only 140 characters long, this also greatly helps in tweak-ups which are break ups in twitter.(word still pending approval in the twitterati, thought tweeting it might solve the problem)
twitterness: a person’s contribution to the twitosphere.
twilliteration: (To be official soon, tweet this to attain popularity of this term)Alliteration in twitter. eg.
How many tweets could the tweety bird tweet if a tweety bird could tweet tweets?(Not exactly a tongue twister but the answer is 17, I happen to be an expert on this)
tweeted by John tweets using birdfeeder


         

FAQs
Doesn't prefixing characters to an already constrained character limit sound nonsense?
Learning twargon is essential for survival in twitter, about the word limit, one can always cut down the letters in most english words, we don't have to post according to the grammatic rules of english language, should we?

Ted: Another popular technique is the use of ellipses which is a commonplace in social networking, this gives a sense of an incomplete feel...

Robin: But..................um........





References
[1] 'Proceedings on the international tweetup on twitter', tweeted by twitterati
[2] How to prefix tw before anything, the twictionary
[3] 'How I met your mother?' by Ted

P.S :This post stops here, please don't twispam me...

P.P.S:This style of posting is getting too cliche'd, will stop soon. Also due to the vast amount of new words in the twictionary the spellcheck had to be disabled.
E & OE

P.P.P.S:If you really like this post and a user of twitter, tweet this post, otherwise create an account and then tweet this post.

P.P.P.P.S:This is one P.S too much, I know, the actual post ends here.